Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
