even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
