I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
