Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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