Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
