Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
