Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
