So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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