at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
