He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
