Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize