He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
