Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
