We need to start having sex underwater more often.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
