i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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