I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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