I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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