How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize