i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
