i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
