So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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