I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize