This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
