rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
