how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
