This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
