So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
