U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
