I accidentally had phone sex last night
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He kissed a someone with a penis
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
