i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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