Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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