Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
