A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
