This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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