A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
