I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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