If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
