I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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