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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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