he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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