Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize