Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
...so i touched it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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