Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
