If i come over, it means nothing
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
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