And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
