Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
