Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
