i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize