And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
