u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I didn't shave. On purpose
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
