went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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