This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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