it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
