No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Pants are for mortals
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
