i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
