hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i dont even know how to be here
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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