woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
