discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
