2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
