I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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