he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
