yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
