HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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