forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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