Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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