if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
