I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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