I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
