I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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